Charles and Mary
We have attended the St Matthew’s Service of Remembrance as a family every year since 1999 – this year will be our 26th service.
Our first daughter, Eliza, had been born 10 weeks premature due to complications arising from Mary suffering preeclampsia during the pregnancy. Eliza was undersize even for that level of prematurity, but survived and thrived without complications.
Our doctors had advised that this was unlikely to happen again, so in early 1999 we were pleased to find we were pregnant again. The first stages of the pregnancy went well, but the preeclampsia returned, earlier and more severely than it had during the first pregnancy. Despite everyone’s efforts the worst happened, and on 16 November 1999 our second daughter, Emily, was stillborn at 27 weeks.
As you can imagine, we were devastated - we had been hopeful of a positive outcome based on our experience with Eliza. The doctors then recommended that we not try for further children as the risk to mother and baby was considered too high, so our hopes of a sibling for Eliza were also dashed.
The Chaplain at the hospital knew of the St Matthew’s Service of Remembrance, which was to be held only a few weeks later, and suggested we might want to attend. Mary was released from hospital in time, and that is how the three of us came to attend our first service. We found the service calming, and to be in a congregation of other parents who had also lost their children provided a bond of mutual support not found anywhere else. Members of the church sat with us as we collected our thoughts and emotions after the service, and we enjoyed the light supper and refreshments afterwards, with the ability to meet and chat with others from the congregation.
We have continued to attend the service as a family every year. Although some aspects of the service are different each time, some elements remain constant – there are particular prayers and hymns which we enjoy hearing each year, as well as the laying of flowers at the front of the church.
While it still stirs up our emotions, the service provides us an opportunity, in a calm and supportive environment, to stop, remember and acknowledge our loss, but also to reflect on everything we still have.
Charles, Mary, and Eliza